foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
