Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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