I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
