Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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