When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
