Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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