I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
