How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
