Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
