Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize