You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
