why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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