I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
