She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
