at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
