Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
