No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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