he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
