I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
