just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
