I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
