It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
