my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize