New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
