Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
