I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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