Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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