so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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