she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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