I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
