just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
