I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
