The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When are your genitals available?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
