What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
