Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
