whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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