You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
