if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
