Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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