that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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