The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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