Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My balls are so social today.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
