I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
