I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
