Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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