Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
