you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
