I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
