Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
