Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you win again, gameday.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
