Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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