I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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