Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
