The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
