My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
