i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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