Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can text with my tongue
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
