just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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