If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
