I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
