we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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