About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
