So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
