you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
