Having a random hookup so left but love u
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
