It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
