Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
