remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
