just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
