shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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