loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
