you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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