My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
