You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
