i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
