just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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