not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
