Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
