dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
