So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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