If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
