that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
