I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
