Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
