It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
