Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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