overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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