So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
