i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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