I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
