My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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