I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just forgot I was standing up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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