If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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