So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Text me some of your sweat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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