Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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