How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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