he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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