my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize