It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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